I think I might have gallstones. Not cool. So I did what’s called a Gallbladder Flush, which is supposed to shock your digestive system into squeezing every ounce of bile from your gallbladder. It’s done by gulping down 6 ounces of pure olive oil mixed with the same amount of lemon or grape juice. I chose mom’s homemade grape juice, which is as sour as an old hag and does a nice job of involuntarily scrunching up one’s facial muscles.
The problem was that the juice was frozen, while the oil was warm. So I let the juice blocks sit and thaw for a few hours, then mashed them up into a frozen sludge and mixed 6 ounces with the same amount of warm, silky olive oil. Now, the oil ran around the larger chucks of sludge and formed pools around them, so that when I tipped the mug back and began to draw it into my mouth, my lips would suck in a nice, cold draught of grape-flavored slush and then hit a patch of lukewarm oil.
By the time I was done, I was standing over the sink with the mug sitting empty, both arms clutching the porcelain base, a thick layer of oil on my lips, trying not to hurl it all back up. I am still, two hours later, trying to keep the same liquid from coming back up and it’s absolutely disgusting. I hope to God I never have to do this again.
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